I honestly feel like Angelica from Hamilton was talking to me when she sang Satisfied. Or, Eliza, when she sang “That Would Be Enough.” But it’s not even that. This whole week I’ve been struggling with my thoughts of, “Am I doing enough?”
It’s a complicated feeling and question. Am I doing enough? Am I contributing to the world? Can I be doing more? I found myself continually questioning myself, and it’s been hurting me badly. I feel like I’m not the only one thinking this too. I recently had a text message convo this morning with my dear friend about our frustrations of thinking we’re not doing enough.
I told my friend that, of course, it seems impossible to feel like we’re doing enough because we’re so inundated with content from every direction. So with that view, it looks like we’re behind. Our feeds are filled with friends and family announcing that they’re doing XYZ, and you’re left thinking, “Well, crap. They’re off doing this. What the hell am I doing with my life? Why am I not staying up X amount of hours to get this project off the ground?” So on and so forth.
I get like this often when I’m scrolling on my feed. “Wow, they did that. They’re getting so much recognition. Okay, now how do I pivot to make that much of a difference too?” To add to that, am I the only one thinking that news, in general, is exhausting me? But also pushing me to think, we’re in this time where we can do anything we wish (within our means), but I’m not focusing my time on it. I feel defeated, unworthy, and late to the game.
I have so many feelings on this topic, and I’m not sure I’m even hitting all the points I’m trying to make. But ultimately, every day, I find myself back to comparison game again, thinking, I’m not doing enough. When I see my friends and family flourish, of course, I’m 100% cheering them on. But then I find myself also looking at myself thinking, “Wow, get to their level. Let’s go.”
This is a safe zone on my blog that I know people can relate to, and I’m always thankful for that. Even if I’m speaking out into the open right now, know I’m right there with you when you’re scrolling, thinking, “God damn, I need to get off my ass and get moving.”
It’s hard to be hard on ourselves, especially now. We’re all doing our best, and I know we are. I know I am. It doesn’t help seeing others flourish when you’re trying to get there, too. It’s all about training ourselves to get out of that box, and it’s easier said than done. But hey, I’m here for you, and you reading this blog allows me to know that you’re here for me in some way. Even if it seems like we’re behind, maybe we’re right where we need to be. SOOoooOOo corny, I know. But when I really think about it, the statement holds true!
Maybe one day. Until then, I’ll forever be chasing the “more” while also trying to teach myself, “be happy with what you have.” I’m never the one to be your source of “x amount of ways to get you through this, here’s how.” There’s no clearcut way. (But you’re damn right I’m still gonna read those articles!) In my mind, it’s an uphill battle that I know I’m in for the long run. Each day will be different. One day I’ll feel like utter crap, and the next, I’ll feel great and know I’m doing something. Life is weird. But here’s to getting through it by talking it through!!!